It’s easy to think of divorce as failure in your life. You made the lifelong commitment and you weren’t able to stick to, so you failed… right? We do learn our most important life lessons from the big mistakes. However, for someone reason we forget to see divorce as a stepping stone to something better (like we would with an ended career, schooling, research, science), and instead we see it as one big failure… the “failed” marriage.
Society sees people who divorce often times as quitters or losers. Sometimes they can be categorized as people who are lazy, or who weren’t willing to put their children’s needs above their own. But the only qualification for “failing” is that the couple didn’t make it their entire lives. Well by that same standard, a loveless, sexless, abusive, alcoholic-infused relationship that is harming in every way to one or both spouses is a “success” as long as the couple stays together until one dies. That’s obviously not a successful marriage, and every divorce isn’t a “failed” marriage.
More marriages end in divorce now than death, mostly due to three things: we live longer, women are more equal now to men, and changes in social values/the law. So congrats to the less than 50% of couples that can make it an entire lifetime (and even fewer who did it while actually being happy). But don’t feel like you “failed” if you gave it every effort you had and it didn’t work out, because you’re a part of the masses who gets another chance.
People get married for a lot of reasons, but most of them are noble and honorable. We shouldn’t tell people they were a “failure” because they thought they found the person they could spend 50 years with exclusively. Do we all realize what a crazy and difficult decision that is to make at a young age? Good luck guessing what you/your partner will be like in 30 years. Instead ,we should hope that we’ll do better next time and think of divorce or separation as a SUCCESSFUL growing experience.