Dating is a challenge. “Back in the day” it was tough just to find the right girl at the party to talk to and say the right thing to start a conversation. The college days of dating were hard enough, but unfortunately it’s even harder later in life… especially after you’ve already been married once. Many divorcees feel clueless about the dating world and have no clue where to begin.
Dating coach Kim Seltzer recently listed the most common dating mistakes men make:
You negatively talk about your ex and the failed marriage. Although this one seems obvious, you’d be surprised how many men bring up their failed marriage constantly or the ex they hate. Most men don’t intend to, but it keeps slipping out! It’s a turn off… so just don’t it!
You discuss your financial woes. Please don’t lie to someone you’re dating, but know what’s appropriate and when. Complaining about finances or discussing your rough financial position needs to be a conversation after you know someone quite well. In some ways, unfortunately, dating is a game and you want to put your best foot forward. Talking about your financial hardship is doing just the opposite of that.
You are continuously angry and self-absorbed with your own problems. No one wants a bitter boyfriend. If you are still bitter, constantly angry and upset, you’re probably not ready to start dating. Many people forget that dating should be fun! And it’s not fun to date a negative Nancy (er… Nick.)
You are stuck in college life. Bringing a girl to a tailgate party while you wear your jersey and get drunk on cheap beer may have been “cute” in college. It’s not anymore. Brush up on your dating etiquette and act your age. If you’re a silly person, act silly. But make sure you show the mature side of yourself as well. Most people aren’t looking to date the way they did before they were married.
You talk about your kids the entire date. Your kids are probably the most important thing in your life… and that’s the way it should be. Sure, show a few pictures and talk about them for a few minutes. But I wouldn’t suggest talking about your kids throughout the entire date. She’s dating you, not your children. And she wants to see that there is more to you and that your have other interests, passions, hobbies, a career, etc.
These tips are based on first dates and first impressions. Most importantly, men… be yourself! But keep these tips in mind so you can make a great first impression once you’re back out in the dating world post-divorce.