PARENTING THROUGH YOUR DIVORCE

Here is a quick reference guide of DO’S and DON’T’S for Helping Your Children Through Your Divorce:

DO

• Do encourage your children to talk openly about their feelings
• Do emphasize that the divorce was not their fault
• Do understand that your children’s behavior may reflect feelings of anger, fear, confusion, sadness and loss. Validate their feelings, allow them to be angry with you
• Do be honest with your children about the finality of divorce according to what is age appropriate
• Do keep your children informed about family-life changes such as moving, visitation, activities, schedules, etc.
• Do remain consistent with established rules and expectations even if they are not the same in the other parent’s household.
• Do make the effort to spend quality time with each child every day.
• Do commit to protecting your children from being involved in parental conflict. Agree on co-parenting strategies that benefit the children
• Do take all necessary steps to ensure a safe and stable home environment
• Do seek professional help if your children are experiencing unresolved problems in response to your divorce

DON’T

• Don’t blame the other parent such that children take sides
• Don’t speak negatively about the other parent in front of your children
• Don’t assign children the role of “message carrier” to the other parent
• Don’t allow your children to bear the burdens of your emotional and or financial concerns.
• Don’t use your child as a confidant -- you must remain the parent and the adult.
• Don’t allow your feelings to stand in the way of your children’s desire to have a relationship with the other parent or step-parent.
• Don’t forget to reassure the children that the parents will continue to love them even though Mom and Dad are not getting along
• Don’t promise your children more than you can deliver; be realistic about your plans, including new living arrangements, time spent with children as they try to find a new sense of security in their lives

This Article Parenting Through Your Divorce was written by Denise Esecson, MFT