How do you rebuild when your relationship ends?

Guest post from Dr. Kristine Turner:

One of the most helpful pieces of information I got while going through my own divorce was to LEARN from my previous relationships.  There is no such thing as failure in relationships, only lessons that you haven’t learned yet.  You CAN create a new life, a new chapter, and new relationships filled with love, potential, and hope.  So, what does it take to get there?

1) You must figure out how to be honest with yourself first.  What really happened in your marriage, what role did you play and what role did your spouse play?  Often asking someone on the outside of your marriage for their objective opinion will shed some light on patterns that are easy to miss when you are in the middle of the chaos.

2) Learning is paramount.  Learn from your past relationships; they teach us who we are and who we want to be.  What do you want more of or less of in life?  What type of personality are you better suited to be around?

3) Acknowledge your feelings.  Don’t be afraid to feel angry or sad.  Give yourself permission to grieve.  Give yourself permission to be honest about your experience.  Give yourself time; the grieving process can last for a few years, but goes more quickly if you actively seek to learn.

4) Empower yourself now.  What do you want the next chapter of life to look like for you?  Playing the villain or victim doesn’t work; neither does being too powerful or too vulnerable in relationships.  Empower yourself to learn about relationships and why they do or don’t succeed.

5) Let go of your past harmful behavioral patterns.  Learn how to forgive yourself and/or your spouse.

6) Information is golden.  Learn about relationships, learn about yourself in relationships, explore and determine what you want for yourself.  Redefine what you want out of life.  Examine the patterns that aren’t working and get rid of the behaviors that are counterproductive in your life.

Learn More About This Author: Kristine Turner