The Rust of Life and Divorce

A guest post from Dr. Karen Finn

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Last week, one of my dear friends sent me a message.  He sends messages just about every day to his friends to inspire and comfort.  Jon’s one of those guys with a really big heart who knows how to make sure his friends really feel how much he cares for them.

This one message he sent to me last week really got me to thinking.  It read, “…doubt is the rust of life.  Doubt holds you landlocked in paralysis unable to move either way.  The time you spent doubting is the time you are not alive.  So, rid yourself of the doubt, take that step one way or another, your heart knows what is best, but take it right now.

What an incredible message!  It was like Jon had looked right at me and told me exactly what I needed to hear.

Doubt is one of the major immobilizing emotions of divorce. Uncertainty comes in all kinds of different shapes and sizes during divorce.  There’s doubt about whether or not the decision to divorce is the right one, there’s doubt about how to best help the kids understand the divorce, there’s doubt about what life will be like during and after the legal proceedings and fees along with all kinds of other self-doubts.

The doubts that come with divorce are usually an indication of fear and a need to reconcile your previous way of life or doing things with the way things are or even could be in the future.  It’s normal to have doubts and fears when your life changes dramatically.  However, they can also become debilitating and that’s definitely something to avoid.

Instead, doubts are best used as a way to become aware that there’s something deeper to be explored and brought out to the light.  One of the quickest ways I know to allow yourself to bring that something deeper up to the surface is through a thoughtful relaxation exercise.  I’ll share the exercise with you in Your Functional Divorce Assignment.

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Your Functional Divorce Assignment:

Sit in a comfortable chair with your feet flat on the ground.  Take a deep breath in.  As you exhale, start to imagine all the stress and strain from your body draining out.  Draining from the top of your head, down through you neck, your torso, your legs and out through the bottom of your feet deep, deep into the ground.

Continue breathing deeply.  Every time you exhale imagine more of the stress and strain in your body draining out through the bottoms of your feet deep, deep into the ground.

Enjoy the sensation of your body beginning to relax.  Your neck and shoulders are loosening up.  You’re sitting deeper into the chair and your entire body is relaxed as the stress and strain continue to drain out of your body.

When you’re feeling calm and relaxed, gently ask yourself about your doubt and what decision you need to make.  As you remain relaxed, an answer to your question will emerge.  It may or may not be the answer you were expecting, but you will have an answer that you can move forward with to dispel your doubt.

Guest post from one of our favorite divorce coaches- Karen Finn, Ph.D.

About Karen

Karen Finn, Ph.D. is a divorce coach and the owner of The Functional Divorce (www.functionaldivorce.com) in Keller, Texas. She specializes in working with divorcing or recently divorced individuals who want to successfully navigate the confusion and uncertainty that usually comes with divorce. Karen helps her clients manage and work through the five facets of divorce to reduce their stress, find happiness again and rediscover the best of themselves.